Wait UP!

So it's only the middle of January and I feel like I'm already behind. I think of all the things I need to do and I get so overwhelmed that I don't know how to start. Somehow,I must already be behind.

I've been trying to think of the things that I HAVE to do, the things that I SHOULD do, and all those many things I WANT to do, to organize myself and not get overwhelmed. Again, I don't know how working moms do it? So here is my basic list:

HAVE TO: Work, work overtime, clean, wash, make healthy meals, pay the bills, run errands, church callings (including talking this last Sunday at church- I could make 5 other posts that describe how much I truly HATE speaking in church, but that can be another day). This list doesn't seam all that long, but in reality this stuff takes up 90% of my time, makes me exhausted enough that I don't know if I can get up the strength to go on to other items below.

SHOULD DO: Work out for an hour a day, read more, research fertility treatments, research adoption, volunteer, visit with family, date my husband, help Jeff with his "new" job, get a hair cut, wake up earlier so I look presentable everyday, have a pedicure, have family home evening every Monday, make weekly meal plans, clean the grout in the kitchen, etc.

WANT TO: Basically everything on my 30x30 list and I think I've added like 5 more things to that list since I created it in November (fix the plaster on the stairs, paint strips in the downstairs bathroom, make a new ottoman/coffeetable, granite for the kitchen, new 'grown up' dishes). I also want to just sit on my couch and watch TV or a movie. I want to update my Ipod, I want to update and fix our whole house, I want a dog, I want, I want, I want. Basically this list never ends.

And when I sit and think of all this stuff I have to do, I should be doing, and that I want, I am still overwhelmed. I guess this is part of being an adult. I guess the worry and sleepless nights and feeling inadequate are just part of life. But you know what? I'm done. I am DONE with it! Fini! Geschehen!

Every year I make a mantra for the year, kind of my own small way of doing a resolution. Last year I consistently tried to console myself with the mantra of "Lighten' Up" because I am always so worried and serious. It did help, sometimes. When I was being taken over by "stuff" to let myself know it wasn't the end and I should just get over it. I even lightened my hair as a physical reminder to be more care free. This year I was thinking that I may need to make a mantra like "Make it Simple," or something else consoling, but in the end I decided to just . . .


I NEED TO do what makes me happy and stop worrying about all this "stuff". I don't need to worry if I am always on target, always my best self, I should just be myself. I think if I just follow my passions and desire that I will be a more interesting and better person.

So many times my natural man, or the man of the world, takes over my body and mind. But if I can just be true to me and, for instance, read a geology book if I want and not worry that it's the most important of books, or the best use of my time, but just because I think it is interesting and enjoy doing it. If I take a cooking class because I think it sounds like fun and not because I am ashamed that I am not as a good of a cook as so and so. This is my goal. Find what brings me joy.

Of course I will always have to do the HAVE TO's, but I am not going to beat myself up over the SHOULD DO's this year and just have fun, do what I want and what makes me happy. So that is my new years resolution. If you are still reading this, do you make any resolutions? How do you prioritize your HAVE TO's, SHOULD DO's and WANT TO's?

1 comment:

Jacob and Emily said...

I love your posts because they are so real. So down to earth and straight forward. I like the moto idea. I always resort to "does this matter in the eternal perspective". I always have a To Do list. I can't run fast enough to get away from it. My "Want to" list is hugh and often costs a lot of money. Hence the reason it is so huge. I'm not going with the new years resolutions. I'm picking things off my bucket list and doing something a month. Then I'll feel more accomplished. We're starting the adoption process this year. It takes some time. If you have questions feel free to ask.